Growing up?
Aug. 13th, 2009 12:35 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
snowylinenlandThis weekend, spent with the lovely friend who I labeled a dud in bed two weeks ago.* This was the second time I'd seen him since then--the first marked by frantic mutual masturbation on his couch before he left to catch an early flight to somewhere else. This weekend was better--28 hours of laziness. No agenda. No reason to not kiss, snuggle, interrupt discussion for physical contact, interrupt physical contact to continue an earlier conversation. Napping together in a park. Cooking together. A long discussion about life, culture, the future.
And I learned things about myself:
Above all, I've been a rotten person to my ex the last few months we dated, though probably far longer. When kissed and cuddled during a movie, I would usually ask if we could finish watching the movie, and then continue with the physical stuff...and then be disappointed when he was no longer in the mood, and blame him for not being in the mood when I was.
I made a deliberate choice not to insist on finishing things this past weekend with D, to follow where the mood led...and it was fun. It was light and impulsive, as was the whole weekend. And it worked for me.
I don't want to be the sort of person who prefers TV to real life, who prefers fiction to my reality...especially when my reality includes a gorgeous man who leaves me feeling tranquil and content with life trailing kisses down my neck, along my collarbone. I'm sorry I shot my ex's overtures down for TV; I'm sorry I ever embarked so thoughtlessly on that course without taking a step back and actually looking at what I was doing.
I'm seeing D tomorrow night. He leaves the country for the foreseeable future on the 26th, so the next week will hopefully include a great deal of time with him....and if it doesn't, that's fine too. This fling has flung me very well so far. He has a copy of 'The Unbearable Lightness of Being' on his desk right now, which has gotten me thinking that lightness, weightlessness is a good way of categorizing this relationship.**
*I'm in the process of revising this opinion. Sex is getting better, and this guy is beautifully patient, eager, thoughtful about friction and lubrication.
**I recognize that this is not at all how Kundera thinks about lightness.
And I learned things about myself:
Above all, I've been a rotten person to my ex the last few months we dated, though probably far longer. When kissed and cuddled during a movie, I would usually ask if we could finish watching the movie, and then continue with the physical stuff...and then be disappointed when he was no longer in the mood, and blame him for not being in the mood when I was.
I made a deliberate choice not to insist on finishing things this past weekend with D, to follow where the mood led...and it was fun. It was light and impulsive, as was the whole weekend. And it worked for me.
I don't want to be the sort of person who prefers TV to real life, who prefers fiction to my reality...especially when my reality includes a gorgeous man who leaves me feeling tranquil and content with life trailing kisses down my neck, along my collarbone. I'm sorry I shot my ex's overtures down for TV; I'm sorry I ever embarked so thoughtlessly on that course without taking a step back and actually looking at what I was doing.
I'm seeing D tomorrow night. He leaves the country for the foreseeable future on the 26th, so the next week will hopefully include a great deal of time with him....and if it doesn't, that's fine too. This fling has flung me very well so far. He has a copy of 'The Unbearable Lightness of Being' on his desk right now, which has gotten me thinking that lightness, weightlessness is a good way of categorizing this relationship.**
*I'm in the process of revising this opinion. Sex is getting better, and this guy is beautifully patient, eager, thoughtful about friction and lubrication.
**I recognize that this is not at all how Kundera thinks about lightness.
