Don't say you want me
Jan. 23rd, 2012 12:34 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
snowylinenlanddon't say you need me/don't say you love me/it's understood...
Date with the Canadian for last Monday: cancelled due to illness on my part. Crashing at mine Thursday night, and date Friday night: very much achieved.
Points he has conceded:
We snuggle very well.
We sleep together very well.
And "thank you for making me feel comfortable", after he broke off sex midway to somewhere interesting, supposedly because his body was done. ("The spirit is willing, the flesh is weak.")
State of play:
Me: still fascinated. Felt midway through the week that he was human enough* for my fascination to be ebbing; actually seeing him, my fascination continues. The poor man must be acutely aware that anytime he gets close to my crotch, I am by that point dripping for him, though neither of us have discussed sex.** We have discussed how much we enjoy kissing each other, how well we fit together spooning. I'm still being slightly more aggressive than him - I'm the one complimenting his appearance, his smell, narrating my enjoyment of him. I feel a bit like I'm still easing him into the idea of having a relationship with me, of liking me, of spending time with me - that, and like there's some baggage I know nothing about, but where being gentle and understanding and patient is helpful and appreciated.***
He still hasn't said anything about liking me (in enormous contrast to D, my Oglaf boy, who thinks I'm liquid sex and tells me so), but has replied in response to my fishing for his turn-ons that so long as I keep being witty and charming with a great ass, there shouldn't be any problems.
But despite the lack of second person singular pronouns, he initiates emails and responds to them; he asks how I'm doing and tells me how he is. He's grumpy about my only being available late Thursday, and grumpy he has to work late Friday. He screwed up his schedule Saturday because "I could sit here and make out with you all day", though eventually we left (him thoroughly late.) He'd rather talk/kiss/fondle me than sleep, even on a schoolnight.
Since Friday, I trust that he's not going to disappear without an explanation, this stranger off the internet I met for the first time 14 days ago - and have met up with three times since, each time for a full night.
We've fucked so he came once now, Thursday night. Very vanilla, not very interesting to me, and he came quite quickly. I didn't at all, and he neither asked nor really tried. My enchantment with him waned significantly because of it...and then Friday, things got more interesting. When he's not being very very gentle, when he's given permission to be rough, or even when he tries something just to see how I'll respond - things feel like we could learn and build astonishing sexual chemistry. He puts hands on my neck near my windpipe. Pulls me over. Picks me up. Eats me out with wondrous patience, roving fingers. His arms are long enough he can reach my clit comfortably while kissing my lips, which is an interesting phenomenon. Before he broke off, it seemed like we'd found a way to fuck that really would have worked for me - he's small enough his cock will never hurt me (unlike D, who's mathematically difficult to contemplate) but still big enough to be meet my minimum requirements. This cock size means that he can grab me, shove me, move me WHILE FUCKING like a metronome. I so want more of this, especially the application of his (wise, methodical, deeply humorous) brain to both of us getting off. I suspect my getting off will not be a problem in the future.
He's gone - vacation, offline - for a week now; he's promised he'll give me a call when he gets back. 'Ciao bella', he signed his email with. So impersonal, so tempting to read as something special, meant for me.
And I'm still full of longing and lust; I want this man viscerally, even if it makes no intellectual sense and I'm not sure what I'll do with him if I get him.
Depeche Mode's 'It's understood' was stuck in my head Weds-Fri; it feels very very accurate, including the slightly creepy bits.
And at some point, I need to tell him about D, but I feel like that should come when he and I have a discussion about the ongoing and iterative nature of our interactions, the acknowledgment that we are having a little-R relationship.
*The boy has some interestingly masochistic, dumbfuck remove-yourself-from-the-gene-pool traits. Not things normal people would think to embark on, or tolerate once having embarked on the course of action. Stories that would case worry in anyone sane. The boy has also been (is still?) far far far more of a stoner than I have ever been, wanted to be...or have patience for. Adventure Time? (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adventure_Time) Not at all something I can deal with sober.
**This is not quite true. We have talked around it. We have talked about rough sex, and his awareness that I quite like it. I have pointed out to him that I enjoy biting; he has agreed that he does as well, and referenced his (outrageously cautious, gentle) nibbles on me as an indication. He's worked out that I respond well to his repositioning me - his ability to pick me up, move me, brute force me to where he'd like me to be (though I don't think he realizes yet quite how much I like it...and realistically, I probably don't either. He's that much bigger than me or any of my other partners that there's probably all sorts of potential here that I will like A Great Deal.)
***I'm going to guess it's related to other current or past partners; there's definitely something holding him back. Whatever it is could still very much be a problem for me, as well, depending on what the problem turns out to be. Trust issues 101?
Date with the Canadian for last Monday: cancelled due to illness on my part. Crashing at mine Thursday night, and date Friday night: very much achieved.
Points he has conceded:
We snuggle very well.
We sleep together very well.
And "thank you for making me feel comfortable", after he broke off sex midway to somewhere interesting, supposedly because his body was done. ("The spirit is willing, the flesh is weak.")
State of play:
Me: still fascinated. Felt midway through the week that he was human enough* for my fascination to be ebbing; actually seeing him, my fascination continues. The poor man must be acutely aware that anytime he gets close to my crotch, I am by that point dripping for him, though neither of us have discussed sex.** We have discussed how much we enjoy kissing each other, how well we fit together spooning. I'm still being slightly more aggressive than him - I'm the one complimenting his appearance, his smell, narrating my enjoyment of him. I feel a bit like I'm still easing him into the idea of having a relationship with me, of liking me, of spending time with me - that, and like there's some baggage I know nothing about, but where being gentle and understanding and patient is helpful and appreciated.***
He still hasn't said anything about liking me (in enormous contrast to D, my Oglaf boy, who thinks I'm liquid sex and tells me so), but has replied in response to my fishing for his turn-ons that so long as I keep being witty and charming with a great ass, there shouldn't be any problems.
But despite the lack of second person singular pronouns, he initiates emails and responds to them; he asks how I'm doing and tells me how he is. He's grumpy about my only being available late Thursday, and grumpy he has to work late Friday. He screwed up his schedule Saturday because "I could sit here and make out with you all day", though eventually we left (him thoroughly late.) He'd rather talk/kiss/fondle me than sleep, even on a schoolnight.
Since Friday, I trust that he's not going to disappear without an explanation, this stranger off the internet I met for the first time 14 days ago - and have met up with three times since, each time for a full night.
We've fucked so he came once now, Thursday night. Very vanilla, not very interesting to me, and he came quite quickly. I didn't at all, and he neither asked nor really tried. My enchantment with him waned significantly because of it...and then Friday, things got more interesting. When he's not being very very gentle, when he's given permission to be rough, or even when he tries something just to see how I'll respond - things feel like we could learn and build astonishing sexual chemistry. He puts hands on my neck near my windpipe. Pulls me over. Picks me up. Eats me out with wondrous patience, roving fingers. His arms are long enough he can reach my clit comfortably while kissing my lips, which is an interesting phenomenon. Before he broke off, it seemed like we'd found a way to fuck that really would have worked for me - he's small enough his cock will never hurt me (unlike D, who's mathematically difficult to contemplate) but still big enough to be meet my minimum requirements. This cock size means that he can grab me, shove me, move me WHILE FUCKING like a metronome. I so want more of this, especially the application of his (wise, methodical, deeply humorous) brain to both of us getting off. I suspect my getting off will not be a problem in the future.
He's gone - vacation, offline - for a week now; he's promised he'll give me a call when he gets back. 'Ciao bella', he signed his email with. So impersonal, so tempting to read as something special, meant for me.
And I'm still full of longing and lust; I want this man viscerally, even if it makes no intellectual sense and I'm not sure what I'll do with him if I get him.
Depeche Mode's 'It's understood' was stuck in my head Weds-Fri; it feels very very accurate, including the slightly creepy bits.
And at some point, I need to tell him about D, but I feel like that should come when he and I have a discussion about the ongoing and iterative nature of our interactions, the acknowledgment that we are having a little-R relationship.
*The boy has some interestingly masochistic, dumbfuck remove-yourself-from-the-gene-pool traits. Not things normal people would think to embark on, or tolerate once having embarked on the course of action. Stories that would case worry in anyone sane. The boy has also been (is still?) far far far more of a stoner than I have ever been, wanted to be...or have patience for. Adventure Time? (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adventure_Time) Not at all something I can deal with sober.
**This is not quite true. We have talked around it. We have talked about rough sex, and his awareness that I quite like it. I have pointed out to him that I enjoy biting; he has agreed that he does as well, and referenced his (outrageously cautious, gentle) nibbles on me as an indication. He's worked out that I respond well to his repositioning me - his ability to pick me up, move me, brute force me to where he'd like me to be (though I don't think he realizes yet quite how much I like it...and realistically, I probably don't either. He's that much bigger than me or any of my other partners that there's probably all sorts of potential here that I will like A Great Deal.)
***I'm going to guess it's related to other current or past partners; there's definitely something holding him back. Whatever it is could still very much be a problem for me, as well, depending on what the problem turns out to be. Trust issues 101?
