Snow and warmth
Feb. 5th, 2012 02:59 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
snowylinenlandFirstly, Europe is covered in snow. It's snowing outside as we speak, the outside world made silent by it. It's beautiful.
Next: the Canadian.
He paid me a compliment this morning, for the first time in the +/- 1 month he's known me. He likes my new haircut; it looks good messy in the morning.
Observed from sleeping at his last night (my train was broken; he didn't seem to mind my calling to ask if I might impose): we wake up snuggled together. We don't roll away from each other in the course of the night. I love it when I have this dynamic with someone, even if (as I suspect with him), it's the result of being woken up in the night to reposition, and therefore light/bad sleep overall.
He claims I grumbled at him in my mothertongue in my sleep at some point in the middle of the night, when he left to go use the toilet - and then apologized in English. Apparently it was cute.
It's the first time in years someone's reported that I've done this; I used to do this my first year of university. No clue what the implications of this are.
Finally, we suck at sex. Or more specifically, he does. Last night's unexpected end to sex? He'd managed to scrape his knees up playing basketball (how?), and then ripped them open again fucking me, and then caught sight of his own blood and freaked out. And then spent 30 minutes freaking/apologizing to me for sucking at sex/apologizing to me for sucking/beating himself up. And then got hard again and fucked me some more, eventually leaving a serious quantity of horrorshow bloody streaks along his sheets - gory enough to disconcert me. Maybe someday his fucking will be enough quantity wise (the quality is quite good, if inconsistent), that it'll get me off...but so far, the boy has not succeeded. Has not really come close. A more consistent feature of fucking him is my attempting to comfort/console/soothe him after he has a freak-out over something.
Wtf.
But I do enjoy spending time with him, and his oh-so-snuggly body, and his lovely sense of humor.
But coming home wanting to masturbate, because it would be nice to get off occasionally? Disappointing. (On that note, my plan for later tonight...)
Finally, we had a brief chat about a) what we're doing, in response to his joking 'Oh, that's my fault for dating an [my profession]'. The answer: dating is a convenient term to refer to our ongoing relationship including intimate encounters. Emotional affirmation? I will clearly not get it from him verbally. (Though the way he buries his face in my neck, or bumps noses with me while looking into my eyes, feels like there's some affection.)
And I've brought up the poly thing - he now knows about D in explicit terms (I'd mentioned him in passing before, without explaining my relationship to him), and I've lightly asked for him to keep me abreast of anyone else in his life, plus what role they occupy. (D, as explained to the Canadian, is for fun, and then he gets handed back to his fiancee.) I feel like I've made my minimum required disclosure - it would be nice if he did his. Also, if I had more agreement from him that he would tell me of anything else going on, which he so far hasn't. But we've affirmed the principle of both of us seeing other people, which I appreciate.
Conclusion with him for now: I enjoy that he's there. I will continue to enjoy him when and as appears appropriate, and when he's available. In the meantime, I would like to/need to focus on my own friends and work and life. He's shiny, but perhaps less blinding now. No orgasms and no ability/motivation/? to talk about his own emotional state do tarnish his shiny a bit...
Which won't stop me from touching myself while I think about him...
Next: the Canadian.
He paid me a compliment this morning, for the first time in the +/- 1 month he's known me. He likes my new haircut; it looks good messy in the morning.
Observed from sleeping at his last night (my train was broken; he didn't seem to mind my calling to ask if I might impose): we wake up snuggled together. We don't roll away from each other in the course of the night. I love it when I have this dynamic with someone, even if (as I suspect with him), it's the result of being woken up in the night to reposition, and therefore light/bad sleep overall.
He claims I grumbled at him in my mothertongue in my sleep at some point in the middle of the night, when he left to go use the toilet - and then apologized in English. Apparently it was cute.
It's the first time in years someone's reported that I've done this; I used to do this my first year of university. No clue what the implications of this are.
Finally, we suck at sex. Or more specifically, he does. Last night's unexpected end to sex? He'd managed to scrape his knees up playing basketball (how?), and then ripped them open again fucking me, and then caught sight of his own blood and freaked out. And then spent 30 minutes freaking/apologizing to me for sucking at sex/apologizing to me for sucking/beating himself up. And then got hard again and fucked me some more, eventually leaving a serious quantity of horrorshow bloody streaks along his sheets - gory enough to disconcert me. Maybe someday his fucking will be enough quantity wise (the quality is quite good, if inconsistent), that it'll get me off...but so far, the boy has not succeeded. Has not really come close. A more consistent feature of fucking him is my attempting to comfort/console/soothe him after he has a freak-out over something.
Wtf.
But I do enjoy spending time with him, and his oh-so-snuggly body, and his lovely sense of humor.
But coming home wanting to masturbate, because it would be nice to get off occasionally? Disappointing. (On that note, my plan for later tonight...)
Finally, we had a brief chat about a) what we're doing, in response to his joking 'Oh, that's my fault for dating an [my profession]'. The answer: dating is a convenient term to refer to our ongoing relationship including intimate encounters. Emotional affirmation? I will clearly not get it from him verbally. (Though the way he buries his face in my neck, or bumps noses with me while looking into my eyes, feels like there's some affection.)
And I've brought up the poly thing - he now knows about D in explicit terms (I'd mentioned him in passing before, without explaining my relationship to him), and I've lightly asked for him to keep me abreast of anyone else in his life, plus what role they occupy. (D, as explained to the Canadian, is for fun, and then he gets handed back to his fiancee.) I feel like I've made my minimum required disclosure - it would be nice if he did his. Also, if I had more agreement from him that he would tell me of anything else going on, which he so far hasn't. But we've affirmed the principle of both of us seeing other people, which I appreciate.
Conclusion with him for now: I enjoy that he's there. I will continue to enjoy him when and as appears appropriate, and when he's available. In the meantime, I would like to/need to focus on my own friends and work and life. He's shiny, but perhaps less blinding now. No orgasms and no ability/motivation/? to talk about his own emotional state do tarnish his shiny a bit...
Which won't stop me from touching myself while I think about him...
